Feeling tender and vulnerable...
Wednesday, December 3, 2008 at 10:28AM 
Sometimes I sit and dream.
I think of all the things I'd like to do.
I put off the stuff that needs to be done,
trading that time for day dreams.
Thinking of conversations I'd like to have,
with old friends,
current friends and
with friends I've not yet made.
Wondering where the other people like me are.
How do I find them?
How do I connect?
I long to sit and laugh,
sip coffee, or hot cocoa, or tea,
while making a mess with art supplies,
or just chatting about nothing in particular,
or the meaning of life itself.
Deep conversations,
light conversations,
no conversation,
just being.
I don't want to just be a dreamer,
I want to be a doer.
I want to paint.
I want to write.
I want to take pictures.
I want to talk.
I want to listen.
I want to have a tribe of my own,
and be a part of the tribe of others.
I want to be a part of something bigger.
Something good.
Something powerful.
Make a contribution to the world.
Sometimes I think it's me that gets in my way.
Is it fear that stops me?
Lack of belief?
Lack of motivation or energy?
Lack of work?
I sit back and watch others do what I know in my heart I can do too.
Sometimes envious, or jealous, wondering what the secret is.
Wishing I could know what they know,
I cheer them on.
Pat them on the back.
Encourage.
Congratulate.
Sit in awe of.
Recognizing their potential,
their strength,
their capabilities,
their talent,
their accomplishments.
What is the missing piece?
How do I reach my full potential,
my strength,
my capabilities,
my talent,
so that I can realize and accomplish my dreams,
and contribute.
I suppose I'm not alone in my desires,
my dreams,
my paralysis.
I suppose the only way to find out is to "do" while continuing to dream.
I suppose I don't have to know how, I just have to start.
Reader Comments (14)
Were you listening to my heart too when you wrote this... oh my goodness... and you are so not alone. loving, listening, see, and am proud of you! this post is amazing.. and i truly can't wait to see you walk with this courage over these months to come! you are and are going to do amazing things!
Big hugs... tons of love...
This is beautiful Carmen. Do you mind if I print it out to put on my vision board? You are on your way to accomplishing all those intentions - a great journey.
Thanks for sharing.
I feel this way a lot too....Dreaming some of the time and then just sitting at the art table to try to get things rolling..stealing from the old Nike commercial: just do it :)
Did you hop into my head and steal my thoughts? Cause I seriously feel this way more times then not!
And I love the picture!
oh my gosh... wow... Carmen... how amazing!
i can not get over it... each line was a "yes"... i totally get this!
i think too it is the balance... "doing"... being okay with that while the dream molds... develops... the WHOLE THING is a process... a growth! there are somedays i want to throw up my hands & walk away... but sticking through the mud is probably where i need to be.
you go girl... you are a HUGE inspration to me... you have brilliance around you & ahead of you it just gets brighter!
xo
oh wait... i forgot... is that you?
hello absolutely gorgeous lips!
beautiful!
wait a minute... shoot... yesterday was your birthday...
oh... hAppY BiRtHdAy... you're gonna have a great year!
Wow Carmen! I couldn't have written it better myself. I feel the exact same way! Great post.
just breathtaking...
you sound just like all of us!
I felt as though you took these words from my heart! Thank you for expressing this so beautifully! I have made a post on my own blog in response to this... http://artroxproject.wordpress.com/ Thank you again!
I read this passage in "Artful Blogging" and it made me want to start my own blog. It is exactly how I feel most of the time. Thank you for putting my feelings into words. Haven't started blogging yet, but I think I need to. Thanks for your inspiration.
Beautiful. Just beautiful. Found this post through a link from Frantic Mommy. So wonderfully worded. Thank you for sharing.
Carmen! This is amazing. So truthful, so touching, and I know there are so many people out there thinking the same thoughts (yeah, I'm one of 'em). The fact that you put it into words and put it out into the universe is huge. It's huge for YOU and it's huge for ME...to be validated and to know I'm not alone is so important, so thank you for giving me that gift.
Keep on dreamin'.
Keep on doin'.